Padre Pio

Well, I should have known that as soon as I confessed that I tend to trust the Divine Physician to take care of my physical ailments, and that I pray daily to Archangel Raphael for the same purpose, I would experience a little illness.

I have had a cold for two days. I am seldom sick. 

There’s a silver lining, though. I spent most of the day today lying on my cot and reading or sleeping. Morning prayer was prayed silently and sitting; any other prayers were said in bed!

The book I’m reading is Padre Pio: The True Story. Oddly enough, it’s written by a Lutheran. His interpretation of certain Catholic ideas is a little off center, but the stories and the quotes from various letters, etc., are fascinating. When I was on retreat last week, I watched a video called “Padre Pio: Miracle Man”; that’s what led to my desire to read the book.

Of course, I have known about Padre Pio in a general sense for a long time, but never really explored his story. Maybe that’s because he is so “popular”…hmm… I’m not sure how to put into words what I mean, but the “popularity” issue seems to demean him, in a way. It reduces him to a talisman, or something like that.

But reading the book has made Padre Pio more real to me – more substantive, more heroic, more saintly.

Funny thing: in my post about my retreat, I wrote this:

On the last day of my retreat, I had one of the best confessions I have ever had, and received some valuable counsel from my confessor. Mass (in the extraordinary form) followed confession, and somehow it seemed I was able to participate to a higher degree than I have ever experienced before at Mass. The prayers were…sublime. It’s hard to describe what was going through my mind, heart, and soul, but it was different. Jesus was “more present” to me than I have felt before, as were all the angels and saints. Everything seemed to have a heightened sense of being.

Well, it was the evening before when we had watched the video. And in reading the book, I learned that people were drawn to Padre Pio’s Masses because he seemed to make everything more real to them, to bring the Sacrifice into the present time in a way other priests could not. And of course, he was a much-sought-after confessor as well.

So…maybe Padre Pio was watching over me and helping me out on both counts. At any rate, I find his trials and tribulations, as well as his words of wisdom, quite inspiring. 

Archangel Raphael

A couple of years ago, I started praying to St. Raphael.

The precipitating event was my brother going off on a trip to Rome. Solicitous for his safety and well-being, I found a novena to St. Raphael that was for travelers, but mentioned other needs in keeping with the archangel’s mission and name that both involve healing.

Later, I found the same basic prayer in my Blessed Be God prayer book. I don’t have it in front of me to copy it exactly, but it is very similar to this:

Glorious Archangel Saint Raphael,

great prince of the heavenly court,

illustrious for your gifts of wisdom and grace,

guide of those who journey by land or sea or air,

consoler of the afflicted, and refuge of sinners,

I beg you to assist me in all my needs

and in all the sufferings of this life,

as once you helped the young Tobias on his travels.

I humbly pray you to heal the many infirmities of my soul

and the ills that afflict my body,

if this favor is for my good and the salvation of my soul.

I started praying the prayer for my brother, but quickly decided it was for both of us, and that is my intention when I pray it now. Whether or not either of us is traveling, I like the thought of St. Raphael protecting our health, both physical and spiritual.

Anyway, I prayed the novena, but then kept praying that particular prayer. That happens to me sometimes…I figure if it was good to pray it for 9 days, it would be good to pray it longer! I do the same with the prayer to Our Lady of Perpetual Help; it started as a novena, but I never stopped praying it on a daily basis.

For a while, I stopped praying the St. Raphael prayer daily; but in the last few months, I picked it up again. One reason is that I have long trusted only the Great Physician in terms of physical ailments. I seldom visit a medical doctor, though I do frequent the office of a local chiropractor – not the same thing at all, of course! I figured it wouldn’t hurt to also enlist the aid of the archangel who appears to be the Great Physician’s primary aide.

So I’ve become quite attached to St. Raphael. I had a great celebration of his feast today, celebrating it as a class or two higher than it is listed in the liturgical books.

St. Raphael the Archangel, pray for us!

Grace in the Present Moment

In his book, Providence, Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange says the following (my emphases):

22. The Grace Of The Present Moment And Fidelity In Little Things

We were saying that the duty we must accomplish with every succeeding hour is the expression of God's will for each one of us individually hic et nunc and thus conveys a certain practical instruction very valuable for sanctification. It is the Gospel teaching as applied to the various circumstances of our lives, a real object-lesson imparted by almighty God Himself.

If we could only look on each moment from this point of view, as the saints did, we should see that to each moment there is attached not only a duty to be performed, but also a grace to be faithful in accomplishing that duty.

The spiritual riches contained in the present moment

As fresh circumstances arise, with their attendant obligations, fresh actual graces are offered us in order that we may derive the greatest spiritual profit from-them. Above the succession of external events that go to make up our life, there runs a parallel series of actual graces offered for our acceptance, just as the air comes in successive waves to enter our lungs and so make breathing possible.

This succession of actual graces which we either agree to make use of for our spiritual benefit, or, on the other hand, neglect to do so, constitutes the history of each individual soul as it is written down in the book of life, in God, to be laid open some day for our inspection. It is thus that our Lord continues to live in His mystical body, and especially in His saints, in whom He continues a life that will know no end, a life that at every moment requires new graces and new activities.

He also quotes these paragraphs from Jean Pierre de Caussade (Abandonment to Divine Providence;  my emphases):

The present moment is ever filled with infinite treasures; it contains more than you have capacity to hold. Faith is the measure. Believe, and it will be done to you accordingly. Love also is the measure. The more the heart loves, the more it desires; and the more it desires, so much the more will it receive. The will of God presents itself to us at each moment as an immense ocean that no human heart can fathom; but what the heart can receive from this ocean is equal to the measure of our faith, confidence and love. The whole creation cannot fill the human heart, for the heart's capacity surpasses all that is not God. The mountains that are terrifying to look at, are but atoms for the heart. The divine will is an abyss of which the present moment is the entrance. Plunge into this abyss and you will always find it infinitely more vast than your desires. Do not flatter anyone, nor worship your own illusions; they can neither give you anything nor take anything from you. You will receive your fullness from the will of God alone, which will not leave you empty. Adore it, put it first, before all other things.... Destroy the idols of the senses.... When the senses are terrified, or famished, despoiled, crushed, then it is that faith is nourished, enriched, and enlivened. Faith laughs at these calamities as the governor of an impregnable fortress laughs at the futile attacks of an impotent foe. 

When the will of God is made known to a soul, and has made the soul realize His willingness to give Himself to it—provided that the soul, too, gives itself to God—then under all circumstances the soul experiences a great happiness in this coming of God, and enjoys it the more, the more it has learnt to abandon itself at every moment to His most adorable will.

… As the present minute is passing, let us likewise bear in mind that what exists is not merely our body with its sensibility, its varying emotions of pain and pleasure; but also our spiritual and immortal soul, and the actual grace we receive, and Christ who exerts His influence upon us, and the Blessed Trinity dwelling within us. We shall then have some idea of the infinite riches contained in the present moment and the connection it has with the unchanging instant of eternity into which we are some day to enter…

This astounds me. How would it be to be able always to remember that the present moment is so intimately connected with eternity! How would it be to receive that grace rather than resist it! De Caussade continues:

…Whatever happens, let us say to ourselves: At this moment God is present and desires to draw me to Himself…

Let us in all reverses give heed to the actual graces offered us with each passing minute for the fulfilment of present duty. We shall thus realize more and more how great must be our fidelity in little things as well as in great.

Refreshed

I went on retreat for a few days. I have not felt so in need of solitude in quite some time! In addition, it had been a long time (2 months) since I had received Holy Communion, due to the poor state of the liturgy in my neighborhood. I also spent time sitting in the chapel with Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament (though not exposed) – another thing I don’t do at any of the parishes around here because the altars and sanctuaries are so atrociously appointed.

On the last day of my retreat, I had one of the best confessions I have ever had, and received some valuable counsel from my confessor. Mass (in the extraordinary form) followed confession, and somehow it seemed I was able to participate to a higher degree than I have ever experienced before at Mass. The prayers were…sublime. It’s hard to describe what was going through my mind, heart, and soul, but it was different. Jesus was “more present” to me than I have felt before, as were all the angels and saints. Everything seemed to have a heightened sense of being.

It’s all tied in, too, with passages I’ve read from Garrigou-Lagrange’s book Providence.  There was also a discussion with my spiritual director about loving God and loving one’s “neighbor” which has some bearing on the whole experience as well.

I came away feeling stronger again, feeling like I could abandon myself to Divine Providence, feeling that sense of certainty that God loves me and has the perfect plan for me if only I will submit to His will instead of insisting on my own.

Of course, I feel myself slipping back into wrong thinking and depression already, but I am trying just to remember what I experienced those last couple of hours of my retreat.

The nice thing is that the effects from yesterday’s Mass carried over into today’s – even though it was a Novus Ordo Mass in a less-than-ideal environment.

Hope springs eternal.

 
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

St. Teresa of Jesus: My Saint

Today, of course, is the feast of St. Teresa of Avila. She's my confirmation saint! I chose her largely because of the accounts I had read of her ecstatic experiences; coming from a "holy roller" background, I desired to have such experiences myself. I'm a little embarrassed to say that now. I know now that it is not right to desire those experiences, but that it is important to accept them with humility if they occur. For whatever reason, though, I think God put me with St. Teresa, and I look to her for guidance and protection.

So...today is a "big deal" at my little Hermitage for the Bewildered. We are celebrating St. Teresa in style! Here are some timely thoughts from my saint:

From the writings of St. Teresa of Jesus (The Way of Perfection 2, 136-138), as presented in A Word in Season: Readings for the Liturgy of the Hours, vol. II, Augustinian Press, 2001.

We can promise easily enough to give up our will to someone else, but when it comes to the test we find it the most difficult thing in the world to do perfectly. But God knows what each of us is able to bear, and when he finds a valiant soul, he does not hesitate to accomplish his will in that person.

So I want to warn you and make you understand what God’s will is, so that you may realize with whom you are dealing (as the saying goes) and what the good Jesus is offering on your behalf to the Father. I want to make sure you know what you are giving him when you say, “Your will be done.” You are asking that God’s will may be done in you; it is this and nothing else you are praying for. You need not be afraid he will give you wealth or pleasures or great honors or any earthly good thing; his love for you is not so weak as that. He sets a far greater value on your gift and desires to reward you generously, giving you his kingdom even in this life. Would you like to see how he treats people who make this petition without reserve? Ask his glorious Son, who made it genuinely and resolutely in the garden. Was not God’s will accomplished in him through the trials, the sufferings, the insults, and the persecutions he sent him until at last his life was ended on the cross?

You see then what God gave to the one he loved best of all, and that shows you what his will is. These things are his gifts in this world, and he gives them in proportion to his love for us. To those he loves most he gives more, to those less dear he gives less; his gifts are measured by the courage he sees we have and the love we bear his majesty. Fervent love can suffer a great deal for his sake, while lukewarmness will endure very little. I myself believe that love is the gauge of the crosses, great or small, that we are able to bear.

So if you have his love, think what you are doing. Do not let the promises you make to so great a Lord be no more than empty compliments, but brace yourselves to suffer whatever God wishes. Any other way of surrendering our will to him is like offering someone a precious stone, entreating him to accept it, and then holding onto it when he puts out his hand to take it. Such mockery is not for him who endured so much mockery for us. If for no other reason, it would be wrong to mock him in this way every time we say the Lord’s Prayer. Let us give him once and for all the precious stone we have offered him so many times – for he in fact first gave us the thing we now give back to the Father.

My whole aim in writing this is to encourage us to yield ourselves entirely to our creator, to submit our will to his, and to detach ourselves from created things. Since you understand how important this is, I will say no more on the subject, but will explain to you why our good Master wishes us to make this petition. He knows very well how we shall benefit by fulfilling the promise we have made to his eternal Father, for in a very short time we shall find ourselves at our journey’s end, drinking at the fountain of living water.

Every now and then I “get” what it means to be abandoned to Divine Providence, and why it is important to do that NOW, and not always be yearning for some “future life” as a hermitess, with a particular physical setting and circumstance in mind.

And every now and then I “get” the fact that this life is but a moment, and our true home is in Heaven, which is for all eternity. Getting to Heaven is the important thing – not getting to a hermitage tucked away in the wilderness. Heck, I’ll be dead before I know it.

Usually, I forget all this as quickly as I “get” it, though. Sigh.

A Lull in the Fray

I have had a few days of relief from the depression demons. When that happens, I notice.  

Usually, I remember to thank God for giving me a little break; I know that the demons will be back because warfare is the name of the game. When I am “on break”, I can remember that gains are made in the fight, not when the going is easy. I can remember that I’m supposed to be part of the Church Militant, not the Church Triumphant. 

This reading from The Sayings of the Desert Fathers reminds me of those things, too:

“Abba Poemen said of Abba John the Dwarf that he had prayed God to take his passions away from him so that he might become fee from care. He went and told an old man this: ‘I find myself in peace, without an enemy,’ he said. The old man said to him, ‘Go, beseech God to stir up warfare so that you may regain the affliction and humility that you used to have, for it is by warfare that the soul makes progress.’ So he besought God and when warfare came, he no longer prayed that it might be taken away, but said, ‘Lord, give me strength for the fight.’”

I try to remember to thank God for the fight, when I’m in it. It seems to me, from what I have read and heard, that God allows us to experience spiritual battles so that we’ll get stronger, so that we’ll learn to trust Him, and even to test us.

As for those tests, though, a friend reminds me that, “God gives us exams, gives us both the questions and answers to the exam, and the praises us when we pass the exam!”

We can’t fail if we trust in God.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

St. Pelagia the Penitent

Today is the feast day of St. Pelagia, a favorite of mine. I don’t remember how I “discovered” her, but somehow she came into my awareness. I happily discovered that her story is told in my Lives of the Desert Mothers book, but the excerpts I've included here were found on-line at a site I can't seem to locate now. Sorry.

 

Pelagia was a harlot who went by the stage name of Margaret (or “pearl”, because of the jewels she always wore. She paraded through the streets and was seen by Bishop Nonnus, who told his fellow bishops:

What do you think, beloved brothers, how many hours does this woman spend in her chamber giving all her mind and attention to adorning herself for the play, in order to lack nothing in beauty and adornment of the body; she wants to please all those who see her, lest those who are her lovers today find her ugly and do not come back tomorrow.

Here are we, who have an almighty Father in heaven offering us heavenly gifts and rewards, our immortal Bridegroom, who promises good things to his watchmen, things that cannot be valued, ‘which eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man to know what things God has prepared for those who love him’ (1 Cor.2.9). What else can I say? When we have such promises, when we are going to see the great and glorious face of our Bridegroom which has a beauty beyond compare, ‘upon which the cherubim do not dare to gaze’ (1 Pet.1.12), why do we not adorn ourselves and wash the dirt from our unhappy souls, why do we let ourselves lie so neglected?

By a miracle, Pelagia came to the church where Nonnus was preaching that Sunday.

Filled with the Holy Spirit, he exhorted and urged the people, speaking very earnestly about the future judgment and the good gifts in store in eternity. All the people were moved with compunction by his words, and the floor of the church was awash with the tears of the hearers.

Pelagia was overcome with remorse for her sins, and arranged a meeting with Nonnus where she entreated him:

I beg you, my lord, imitate your master the Lord Jesus Christ and pour out on me your goodness and make me a Christian. My lord, I am an ocean of sin, a deep pit of iniquity and I ask to be baptised.

He wanted to delay the baptism to allow time for greater conversion and to find a suitable sponsor for her, but she demanded to be baptized immediately. All of the bishops were amazed at her persistence and desire, and her request was granted. The story tells us

Then [Nonnus] said to her, ‘Do you confess all your sins?’ To which she replied, ‘I have looked so closely into my heart that I cannot find there any single good action. I know my sins and they are more than the sand upon the seashore: water like the sea is little compared to the extent of my sins. But I trust in your God that he will forgive me the whole extent of my sinfulness and look upon me again.’

And there is another reason I love Pelagia and see her as a model for own spiritual development: she confessed her sins sincerely, and though those sins were great, she trusted God that he would forgive “the whole extent” of her sinfulness.

That seems to be something difficult for me to grasp.

Pelagia is another of those women who dressed as a man and went off to a monastery.  (How do they do that?!) She lived as Monk Pelagius, shut up in a cell all alone, but apparently a lot of people knew of this monk. That Monk Pelagius was in fact a woman named Pelagia was discovered when she died.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Infinite Riches in the Present Moment

From Abandonment to Divine Providence, by Jean-Pierre de Caussade, SJ (Book I; Chapter 2; Section 3):

If we understood how to see in each moment some manifestation of the will of God we should find therein also all that our hearts could desire. In fact there could be nothing more reasonable, more perfect, more divine than the will of God. Could any change of time, place, or circumstance alter or increase its infinite value?

If you possess the secret of discovering it at every moment and in everything, then you possess all that is most precious, and most worthy to be desired. What is it that you desire, you who aim at perfection? Give yourselves full scope. Your wishes need have no measure, no limit. However much you may desire I can show you how to attain it, even though it be infinite. There is never a moment in which I cannot enable you to obtain all that you can desire. The present is ever filled with infinite treasure, it contains more than you have capacity to hold.

Faith is the measure. Believe, and it will be done to you accordingly. Love also is the measure. The more the heart loves, the more it desires; and the more it desires, so much the more will it receive. The will of God is at each moment before us like an immense, inexhaustible ocean that no human heart can fathom; but none can receive from it more than he has capacity to contain, it is necessary to enlarge this capacity by faith, confidence, and love.

The whole creation cannot fill the human heart, for it is greater than all that is not God. It is on a higher plane than the material creation, and for this reason nothing material can satisfy it. The divine will is a deep abyss of which the present moment is the entrance. If you plunge into this abyss you will find it infinitely more vast than your desires.

Do not flatter anyone, nor worship your own illusions, they can neither give you anything nor receive anything from you. Receive your fullness from the will of God alone, it will not leave you empty. Adore it, put it first, before all things; tear all disguises from vain pretenses and forsake them all going straight to the sole reality.

…

When a soul recognizes the will of God and shows a readiness to submit to it entirely, then God gives Himself to such a soul and renders it most powerful succour under all circumstances. Thus it experiences a great happiness in this coming of God, and enjoys it the more, the more it has learnt to abandon itself at every moment to His adorable will.

In commenting on these paragraphs, Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange, OP, says (in Providence):

How sublime is this doctrine! As the present minute is passing, let us likewise bear in mind that what exists is not merely our body with its sensibility, its varying emotions of pain and pleasure; but also our spiritual and immortal soul, and the actual grace we receive, and Christ who exerts His influence upon us, and the Blessed Trinity dwelling within us. We shall then have some idea of the infinite riches contained in the present moment and the connection it has with the unchanging instant of eternity into which we are some day to enter. We should not be satisfied with viewing the present moment along the horizontal line of time, as the connecting link between a vanished past and an uncertain temporal future; we ought rather to view it along that vertical line of time which links it up with the unique instant of unchanging eternity. Whatever happens, let us say to ourselves: At this moment God is present and desires to draw me to Himself. In one of the most painful moments of St. Alphonsus' life, when the beloved congregation he had just founded seemed all but lost, he heard these words from the lips of a lay friend of his: "God is always present, Father Alphonsus." Not only did he renew his courage, but that hour of pain became one of the most fruitful of his life.

Let us in all reverses give heed to the actual graces offered us with each passing minute for the fulfillment of present duty. We shall thus realize more and more how great must be our fidelity in little things as well as in great.

Abandonment For the Love of God

Last night, at vigils, I had an interesting moment.

All of a sudden, just for a quick instant, I could see very clearly how pleasing it is to God when I fully, unconditionally, accept His will and truly abandon myself to His Providence – because of love for Him, rather than because it will be good for me. I can't explain it any more than that. I just knew it.

It was...such a relief, I guess! It’s so much easier to truly trust God, and to do things for love of Him, rather than worry about getting my own way.

But it's hard to hold onto that thought. WHY?!?! I guess it’s because I am basically a selfish human being...just like everyone else, due to fallen human nature.

Today I saw a photo on Face Book from Our Lady of Solitude Monastery in Nevada. It showed a lay woman with two nuns and a monk, and the caption said, “Directly following the 6:30 p.m. Mass on Monday, October 15th (Memorial of St. Teresa of Avila), 2012, Tara Smith will enter our Community as a Postulant.”

Sigh. I always feel sad when I see things like that, because I want so badly to be consecrated. I am happy for the person about to become a religious, of course, but there is that yearning in my soul… This time, at least, I was not quite as sad.

God’s will be done.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Amma Theodora

I think it’s interesting to find an “amma” amongst the abbas in the Sayings of the Desert Fathers.

The book says that “Theodora was one of the great women ascetics of the desert” and that she was “a woman consulted by many monks about monastic life.” I would like to consult her, too!

Here are some of her words (I’m quoting from the book):

Amma Theodora said, ‘Let us strive to enter by the narrow gate. Just as the trees, if they have not stood before the winter’s storms cannot bear fruit, so it is with us; this present age is a storm and it is only through many trials and temptations that we can obtain an inheritance in the kingdom of heaven.’

…

She also said that neither asceticism, nor vigils nor any kind of suffering are able to save, only true humility can do that. There was an anchorite who was able to banish the demons; and he asked them, ‘What makes you go away? Is it fasting?’ They replied, “we do not eat or drink.’ ‘Is it vigils?’ They replied, ‘We do not sleep.’ ‘Is it separation from the world?’ ‘We live in the deserts.’ ‘What power sends you away then?’ They said, ‘Nothing  can overcome us, but only humility.’ ‘Do you see how humility is victorious over the demons?’

Amma Theodora also said, ‘There was a monk, who, because of the great number of his temptations said, “I will go away from here.” As he was putting on his sandals, he saw another man who was also putting on his sandals and this other monk said to him, “Is it on my account that you are going away? Because I go before you wherever you are going.”’

Ah, yes. Lessons for me.  I protest against the “storms”; I lack humility; and my “demons” are often my own faults and sins that I am so attached to.

I’ve a long way to go.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

This Is Your Life

My daughter texted me from her public speaking class to complain about the teacher and say, “I hate my life.” Since I was having similar thoughts at the time, it was turned out to be a lesson for me.

I really didn’t want to deal with her self-pity. And she really has no reason to hate her life at this point. Of course, neither do I, and who wants to deal with me when I “hate my life”?!

I don’t really hate my life, but sometimes I wonder how I’m going to get through it. It’s a good life, really, but I am so tired of dogs and paying bills and pretending to be in a good mood when I’m not. Sometimes my bad mood shows, but it backfires on me. I don’t get sympathy…I just get them wondering when I’ll be back to “normal” so that I will take care of the stuff I take care of. You know what I mean? Maybe not. 

Anyway…in the saint stories, the saints always leave the world and seek God in the wilderness. Boy, would I like to do that! But for me, there is no escape. In some of those stories, the women just up and left their husbands! And the monks helped them! How can that be right? I know I can’t do that.

So I’m stuck. I’m trying to Abandon Myself To Divine Providence. St. Rita is there to help me, but I sure have a hard time praying that prayer to her where I am to ask her to help me accept the lot in life that God has given me.

 
Sigh. Why am I so ungrateful? Why don’t I trust that He has given me this life because He loves me and it’s what is best for my salvation? Gotta try harder to remember that and act like I believe it.

The Desert

Usually, I love the fall. But so far, this fall is just dry and drab. Maybe that has contributed to my despondency.

  

I had a few days of being lost.

I forget sometimes that God loves me.

I forget sometimes to abandon myself to Divine Providence.

When that happens, it is so very hard to find my way out of that desert.  I know I’m wallowing in self-pity, and I know that I’ve found my way out before, but I just can’t remember how.

But the Lord will always help if He’s asked. You have to want to ask, though. And finally, I asked. I told Him I just couldn’t stop wallowing and that I just couldn’t let go of the depression. I asked Him to help. He did.

Then I remembered. I remembered that He loves me, and that He wants what is best for me, and that His plan is what’s happening right now, and that I need to just say “yes” to His will.

It helped to read a little of Providence by Fr. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange. I “just happened” to pick up that book again, and I “just happened” to find a passage or two that spoke about my problem. I could see the mountain again, instead of just the desert dryness.

Then I was filled with remorse, of course. How could I doubt my Jesus? That part is always painful, too – realizing how ungrateful I am, how blind, how self-centered, etc.

But at least then I remembered this quote from St. Francis de Sales (from a sermon on the Epiphany):

 
...As for your little fits of temper, they will pass away; or if they do not pass away, it will be for your exercise and mortification. Lastly, since without reserve you wish to be all for God, do not keep your heart in any anxiety, but amidst all the drynesses you may feel, be firm in remaining within the arms of the divine mercy. And as for those apprehensions which occur to you, it is the enemy, who seeing you at present altogether resolved to live in our Lord, without reserve and without exception, will make all sorts of efforts to distress you, and to render the way of holy devotion hard to you. Now you ought, on the contrary, to strengthen your heart by frequent repetition of your protest, that you will never relax yourself; that you will persevere in your fidelity; that you love better the hardships of the service of God than the sweetnesses of the service of the world; that you will never abandon your Spouse. Be very careful not to omit holy meditation, for if you did, you would be the sport of your adversary; but continue constantly in that holy exercise, and wait until our Lord speaks to you: for He will one day speak to you words of peace and consolation, and then you will know that your trouble has been well bestowed and your patience profitable. Let it be your glory to be all for God, and often protest that you are all His.