Well, for some time now, my posts have been at fairly long intervals. I think the time has come to take an official, long break from posting at all.
Life seems awfully busy!
My daughter's wedding is in just two and a half weeks! I lie awake at night sometimes wondering if we've forgotten anything. But mostly I've let my daughter worry about that.
Also, I'll soon be spending time taking care of The Fiance's children, as I did last summer; but this year, they will officially be my grandchildren. And The Fiance will be my son-in-law. Now, there's a thought...new beginnings, as it were, all the way around.
My husband's recovery from surgery etc is going well, but he'll be having another surgery (hernia repair) in mid-June.
And other stuff...
So, farewell for now!
Stealth Hermitess
Monday, May 1, 2017
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Wiping the Face of Jesus
The other day, I went in to the Cathedral to
change the antependium for Palm Sunday, and heard singing as I entered. At
first my heart sunk, because I had been previously subjected to having to
listen to bad music being practiced while I worked on the altar. But as I came
into the church, I realized it was someone practicing chant! It was one of the
Kyries.
The woman who was singing was
standing way at the back of the church. No one else was present. I walked down
the aisle to find out who she was. We chatted briefly, though I didn’t find out
as much as I would have liked, because we both had things we were intent on
doing. I asked her if she was a parishioner, and she said no, just an
occasional visitor. Darn! I was hoping there was another parishioner who would
help me push for some chant in the Mass at the Cathedral! She told me she is
just learning the chant. She has a very good voice.
We talked a little about the
state of the Church, and about the state of the liturgy in most parishes. She
told me that there are a couple of things she tries to focus on when she is at
a “bad” Mass, and one really struck a chord with me. She said she thinks about
Veronica offering the cloth to Jesus to wipe his face. She talked about how
awful the face of Jesus must have looked then – the blood, the spittle, the
sweat, the dirt…the bruises and broken nose, the swelling: an almost
unrecognizable face.
“The Mass is the face of Jesus
to us,” she said, “and they have done terrible things to it. It’s ugly to look
at. ‘There was no comeliness in him…He was bruised for our transgressions.’ So
I think of Veronica wiping His face. I think of my participation in the Mass as
a way to imitate what Veronica was doing.”
I liked that thought, and told
her so. Then I said, “Well, I must get back to my antependium…”
“There! You see, your
antependium work is your way of wiping the face of Jesus,” she told me.
I liked that thought, too.
May your Tridduum be blessed,
and may we all comfort Jesus by wiping His holy face, especially when we see it
beaten, bloody, and bruised in bad liturgy.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.
Thursday, April 6, 2017
God Has a Sense of Humor
I don’t think God engages in April Fool’s jokes, but He
certainly proves His sense of humor time and again!
Long ago, I was the parish secretary at my current parish. I
had been Catholic for just one year when I was chosen for the position. That is
actually a joke in itself: I was given the job because the pastor couldn’t find
anyone else to take it! It turned out to be a job I enjoyed more than any I had
ever had before. But while I got along with the pastor for most of the time he
was there, by the time he was transferred I had learned some things about him
that drove a wedge between us. Interestingly, just two weeks before his
departure, he was extolling my virtues and telling me he would recommend to the
new pastor that I be given a raise; and 2 days before he left, I was his number
one enemy, and he actually told me not to come to work for the remaining days
of his tenure.
We later made amends, and I try not to harbor resentment
against him. I haven’t seen him in at least 8 years.
My spiritual director is fond of telling me that “God writes
straight with crooked lines.” And indeed, it is interesting at times to look
back on my life and see how all the twists and turns resulted in bringing me “straight”
to the truths of the faith, and into contact with various people who've had a big impact on my life.
Well…about 2 years ago, the wheels started turning which
would bring my best friend Liz – we met in California when our children were
playing T-ball on the same team, and we have been part of each other’s lives
ever since - to live in a town only 2
hours away from me. We were both happy that we would be able to visit in person
more often now. But it was quite a circuitous route that brought her and her
husband from California to Guatemala to Texas to Idaho, and it was filled with
the little things that make you say, “Huh?!” and realize that God’s hand is on
the steering wheel.
Liz and her husband found a good parish with an orthodox
priest and a tradition-minded assistant pastor (who has been ordained only one
year, and just happens to have received training in saying the EF Mass). Liz
approached both pastors to ask them to consider purchasing antependia from my “Altarations”
business. The assistant pastor was enthusiastic, and the pastor was open to the
idea. Their chapel has had a violet
antependium and ambo frontal for most of Lent, and the big altar in the church
will have a yellow-gold antependium for Easter. I’ve been to the parish a
couple of times to work on the project and have talked with both priests, but
mostly the assistant pastor, who is quite traditional in his outlook.
Then came yesterday…and my friend mentioned something about how
some days you feel like you’ve been run over by a truck. So I sent her a
private message asking, “Rough day?”
“I’m afraid to tell you,” she replied.
What the ???!!!!
Turns out, she had just found out her newly-found beloved
pastor is being moved! That was enough of a shocker for one day, but there was
more. She said, “Guess who will be the new pastor?” I thought it an odd
question, since I do not live in Idaho; and I know only one priest (other than
the two at her parish) in Idaho. I know him because he used to be in our
parish, and I was his secretary – yes, the priest who asked me not to show up
to work for the last day or two of his tenure there!
So I said, “I only know one priest over there: Fr. R.”
“Yep,” she said.
No. Really? Seriously? Really?!?!
What are the chances of that happening?! Out of all the priests in Idaho, it’s
this one? Out of all the parishes in Idaho, that particular priest is being
transferred to the only one – the ONLY one – where I have any connection
whatsoever to any of the parishioners or priests?! My mind was completely boggled.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: I don’t believe
in coincidences!
Liz and I noted to each other how odd this whole situation
is – all the way from her move to Idaho in the first place, the way things
played out in her ending up at that parish, to my becoming involved, at least indirectly,
in that parish. What in the world is God
up to? What is our role in Fr. R’s life? Because I have no doubt I will have
some contact with him; the traditional young priest will most likely stay at
that parish for the next year. Might we – Liz, her husband (who is a deacon),
the traditionalist priest, and me – have a part to play in the conversion of
Fr. R? (In charity, I must say that I have no idea what changes might have
already been worked in Fr. R. However, given his environment, and the fact that
he chose to go to that diocese, suggests that he has likely become more of a “liberal
progressive” than he was. And his parish website states multiple times that “all
are welcome!”, which as you know has become a code for … well, a less-than-orthodox
viewpoint.)
In the end, we agreed that we should give Fr. R a chance,
and that we of course must pray for him.
And we will do both.
Just thinking about it makes me chuckle. God really does
have a sense of humor!
Lord
Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!
Friday, March 31, 2017
More Adventures in Hospitalization
Just when you least expect it…
My husband’s recovery was going
quite well, we thought, and then he ended up at the ER again on Wednesday
night. He hadn’t had any real severe symptoms – just a general feeling of low
energy for a couple of days, and a little discomfort that he attributed to the
healing process. But on Wednesday he kept going hot and cold, and when he
finally took his temperature, it was 101 degrees. He called the surgeon, who
suggested he go to the clinic and get checked out.
They did urine and blood tests,
and he came home to await the blood results. His white cell count was elevated,
and they told him to go to the ER. So off we went, where we did a lot of
waiting till they finally did a CT scan. The scan showed an abscess where the
small intestine meets the colon…or something like that. The doctor reading the
scan said there was a perforation, but my husband’s surgeon discounted that, as
he’d looked at it up close a personal during the surgery 5 weeks ago.
The plan was to stick a needle
in and drain the abscess under the guidance of the CT machine; but that
required a hospital with more technological resources than our rural hospital
has. So my husband was transported to Boise, ID, about a two-hour drive away. The next morning, the procedure to drain the
abscess was successful; my husband’s temperature returned to normal; and his white blood cell count has been steadily dropping. There are a couple of other
tests the doctors want to do, though, so he has to stay in Boise; hopefully he’ll come
home Sunday night or Monday morning.
I went to see him on Thursday,
and he looked good, felt good, and was hoping they would let him eat real food
soon (they did).
But while I was there, a woman
came in and introduced herself as Mary, and said she was a "eucharistic
minister" (which of course is the wrong term anyway! She is an “extraordinary
minister of Holy Communion"). She asked my husband if he wanted to
receive Holy Communion. I cringed inside, and I wonder if it showed on the
outside as well! But she was looking at my husband, not me.
He said he had just eaten, and
so he didn’t want to receive; and she started to tell him that it was okay,
that he was dispensed from the fast because of being hospitalized. But wasn’t
willing for this “event” to take place in my presence, so I said to my husband,
“But do you want to receive from…uh…not-a-priest?” And then he seemed to
remember that I had said I had contacted a priest and asked him to visit; and
so my husband told Mary the Eucharistic Minister no thanks, he thought a priest
was coming to see him and that he would receive Holy Communion from him. We did
thank her for coming, though, and I said to my husband as she was
leaving, "Well, at least that's more than we ever got at home!" At
our local hospital, no one contacted my husband from the Church. Of course, if
I had asked, the priest would have come, I have no doubt. But I think it used
to be that the priest or someone at the office would check for Catholic
patients, and someone would make a visit and ask about the spiritual needs of
the Catholic patients. It is a Catholic hospital, after all. For what that’s worth these days.
Looking back on it, I
think having a lay person show up to offer Holy Communion is a
horrible practice; many people will say "yes" out of peer pressure,
not wanting to look like a bad Catholic; and many will receive
unworthily. Not to mention the fact of receiving from a lay person who
also is a woman! Even a Novus Ordo deacon does not have his hands consecrated
to handle the Holy Eucharist! Having been around the
extraordinary form of the Mass as much as I have, I’ve become very sensitive to
the hands issue. Even in the Novus Ordo, it really bothers me to see the priest
not keeping his thumb and forefinger together after he consecrates the Host;
that practice is not require in the NO, but why not?! It is still a consecrated
Host! It is still Really and Truly Jesus! The same dangers of profanation
apply. Etc.
In the case of a lay person
coming to administer Holy Communion, there is not only the chance that the
Eucharist will be received
unworthily; it seems to me that the Eucharist is also being offered unworthily – being handled by
unconsecrated hands.
Besides that, what about
deacons?! It is a task for deacons to bring communion to the sick. Of course,
in the NO, the deacon’s hands are not consecrated, but still. Today when I was
talking to my husband on the phone, I heard someone come into his room, and he
paused to see what was needed. I heard a female voice explain that she was a “Eucharistic
minister” and ask if he wanted to receive Communion. Another woman! Aaargh. He
declined again. Where are the deacons?
It seems to me, a better practice
would be for a priest to show up and
ask people in the hospital if they want him to hear their confession! I would
think that hospital patients might be a bit more inclined to be thinking about
their ultimate end, and they might therefore be more inclined to do something
that would help them get to their desired destination!
Well, that is the state of the
Church, I guess. It does make me sad, though.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
People in My Path, Placed by God
I’m sure you wonder, as I do
sometimes, why God has placed a particular person in your life. Sometimes, it
seems they are there to test your patience; sometimes, it seems that they are
acting as a guardian angel surrogate; sometimes, the reason remains a mystery.
And even when we think we know the reason why, we may not be correct in our
assumption.
Here are a few whose paths have
crossed mine recently:
A woman I knew in high school –
barely – sent me a friend request on Face Book some time ago. (Another woman
from our graduating class of 1971 created a “group” on FB, and I am a member of
that group. Many of the others have “friended” me, but they are mostly politically
liberal-progressive non-Catholics, and I have “unfollowed” most of them so I
don’t see their liberal progressive nonsense.) Anyway…this particular woman who
wanted to be friends is a lesbian, and I knew that. I figured her political
views would be liberal (they are), and that she would quickly find that we didn’t
have much in common. But she wanted to be friends, so I figured, why not? At
least she would be exposed to some non-liberal stuff.
Well, she objected to something
I said against abortion; we had a short back-and-forth on that. Then I posted
about not going to see “Beauty and the Beast” with my almost-step-granddaughter
because of the highly touted “gay moment”. That just irritates me. The lesbian
woman – let’s call her Lana – objected. She went into all the gay stuff about how
“normal” it is to be gay, how she was “born that way”, how all reparation
therapy is evil and barbaric (apparently some of it is, but I know there are
legitimate and effective forms of therapy for those who want to overcome their
disordered sexual desires), that a Disney representation would be so nice for
children and adults who are ashamed of their homosexual desires, etc., etc. I
addressed those things in a couple of exchanges, and then I decided to “unfriend”
her, because I didn’t want her seeing my posts and arguing in illogical ways
about the stuff I posted.
And I let her know that I was
doing it. I sent her a private message, and told her that I was unfriending
her, and why. And I said I was open to discussing things via messenger. Since
then, I have had numerous exchanges with her, and I feel like I am butting my
head against a brick wall. My stomach tightens when I see there is a message
from her. I am tempted to completely ignore her. But there is something that
keeps drawing me into “debate” with her. She calls me names like “homophobe”,
and wonders how I can be so stupid about homosexuality. She asserts that she
knows more than I do on the subject because she wrote a thesis on it. She reads
things into what I say that aren’t there, and puts words in my mouth (such as, “you
think we’re weird” – no, I didn’t say that).
So, it’s a trial. I asked her
why she even keeps trying to have this conversation with me; she didn’t answer
that. I asked if she believes in truth, or relativism. “Your truth is not other
people’s truth, and vice versa,” she said. Well, we can’t really have a
conversation then, can we? But I’m still trying. For some reason, this woman is
in my life. Something impels me to continue the discussion, even though it
seems fruitless. But if she stops writing, so will I!
Another person who crossed my
path is not someone I have actually met or even talked or written to. It was
just a poor mother in our town who went out one day and plastered a little
flyer all over the main streets. The flyer said, in essence, that her
19-year-old son was into meth, that she loved him and wanted him saved from
that, and that his father was supplying him with drugs. She wrote, “I am a
mother begging, please please do not use, sell, or give my son drugs. His family
loves him. We cannot lose him to overdose, disease, suicide, violence,
insanity, prison – all the things that come with drugs.” At the bottom of the
typed flyer was a handwritten note that said, “Have you ever tried to save someone
you love?” I shed a few tears for this woman, and have been praying for her and
her son.
It was my hiking friend who
alerted me to this flyer, and I alerted The Fiancé, who is a police officer. He
contacted the woman, and I don’t know what has happened from there. But I
thanked him for making the effort, and he said, “My mom did something like that
for both of my brothers.” He understands, and she was at least comforted by his
initial visit. I know he will follow up, and perhaps you can add your prayers
to mine for this family.
A third person is one whom I have
known since she was 2 years old, but I have had no real contact with her since
we moved to Oregon in 2003. She is the daughter of my friend Pam who died when
she was struck by a car a little over a year ago. It was this daughter who let
me know that Pam had died, and we became “friends” on Face Book. I watch her
from afar, with a sad heart. She has so much to overcome, and she has overcome
a lot of it, in some ways. But she lives an immoral lifestyle without knowing
it’s really wrong, I think. And some of the things she says break my heart, and
I wish so much that I could have made a bigger difference in her life.
Recently, she posted a meme that said something about wanting to marry just one
man, have kids who all have the same father (she has two little ones by different
fathers, and she’s never been married), and have it be forever. Or something
like that. But her comment was the killer: “I just want whatever will bring me
happiness.” She wants to be happy, and has no idea how that happens. I am
pretty sure she doesn’t really know what true happiness is.
The other day, this same young
woman wrote about her mom. I can’t find her post right now, but it was along
the lines of, “I can’t believe you’re gone. I lost you way too young. I love
you, mom.” And Pam was a woman the authorities said wasn’t a good mom, and that
both of her daughters should be permanently removed from her custody. That was prevented. And her daughters, now
adults, believed she was the perfect mom. Might they have had different
outcomes if they’d been adopted by a higher-functioning, economically
advantaged family? Maybe. Well, certainly it would have been different. But
would it have been different? Those girls loved their mom, and their mom loved
them and did everything she could to give them the best life she could
offer. I watch this one daughter
struggle along, and feel a little helpless to do anything substantive for her.
I need to increase my prayers for her.
So there are three people whose
paths have crossed mine. I hope I am doing what God wants me to do with them!
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!
Monday, March 6, 2017
The Best Laid Plans
Just when you think everything is going smoothly…just when
you have finally organized your life with a list or two…another wrench is
thrown into the works! God has a plan, right? He lets those wrenches come
flying your way for a purpose, right? It’s what makes life an adventure.
I wrote in my last post that I had taken my husband to the
ER, but that it turned out not to be an emergency. Well, two nights later, he
again complained of severe abdominal pain, and off we went to the ER again – a little
earlier in the evening, this time. At the ER, they decided to do a CT scan and
some other stuff. My husband encouraged me to leave him there while he went
through the procedures and awaited the results, so I went to visit our daughter
for a bit.
A couple of hours later, he called to say that the news was
not good. The immediate problem was still not the hernia, but it had caused the
problems. The doctors suspected that the hernia had entrapped a portion of his
bladder and his bowel…not a good thing. They also suspected, from the scan,
that he had a perforated colon. They recommended immediate emergency surgery.
Well…we weren’t really expecting that!
While we were listening to the surgeon (a young man who
looked to be all of 16 years old!) explain what had to be done, a thought
passed through my mind: we should call the priest and have him come so that my
husband could have confession and the anointing of the sick before the surgery.
I did not act on this thought. I looked at the faces of the surgeon, my
daughter, the FiancĂ©, the nurse…and it seemed to busy and distracting to speak
to my husband about calling the priest. And the demons whispered, “It’s 11pm;
probably the priest won’t even answer the phone. You don’t even know if there
is an emergency number to call at the parish. It’ll be okay…just let it go.”
Sadly, I listened to them. They took my husband into surgery at midnight, with
the surgeon saying that he was 99% sure there was a perforated colon, and that
surgery would take as long as 4-5 hours.
I went home and went to bed – exhausted but restless, of
course; I thought about emergency surgery, and infection, and death. I kicked
myself for not having called the priest. And I prayed and prayed, begging God
to spare my husband’s life since he had not had the advantage of the anointing
of the sick.
Then I forced myself to lie down and close my eyes, and I
did in fact fall asleep. My phone rang around 2:30am; my first thought was that
this was way too soon for the surgery to be over. Then the surgeon told me that
surgery was successful, and there was no sign of anything being perforated! That’s
why the surgery didn’t take as long – he had not had to remove any of the
colon. This was very good news, and the surgeon was very pleased, as were all
of the rest of us! There was, however,
massive infection, which the doctor had taken care of; the hernia would still
have to be repaired at a later date.
I went back to sleep, and got up at my usual time to go and see
my husband in the hospital. The first thing we talked about was the fact that
we had not called the priest. My husband said he also had thought about it, but
things were moving so fast…we got swept up in the worldly aspect of the whole
thing. We both expressed our gratitude to God that we were sitting there
together in the hospital, with my husband having come through the surgery just
fine. We also were amazed at the miracle of his not having a perforated bowel.
And apparently that miracle was not lost on the surgeon, who admitted his
surprise that he had not found the damage he had expected. We hope and pray
that this is a strong witness to the surgeon about the power of prayer and the
mercy of God (I do not know anything about his religious views, but I do know
he is not Catholic). We also hope that
The Fiancé sees the power of God at work in all of this.
My husband had to spend 5 days in the hospital on IV
antibiotics. He didn’t complain, but I know it was torture for him! He is a
person who doesn’t sit still, and for 5 days there was “nothing” he could do.
He went for walks, though! He was so grateful that know bowel was removed and
that he did not have a colostomy, that he decided not to complain about
anything else!
He’s been home now, for a week. He still “can’t do anything”,
and he’s become a little more vociferous about being bored. He knows it will be
a long healing process, and that as soon as he is healed enough, the surgeon
wants to do the hernia surgery. That will likely be in the first week or so of
April. So, in the meantime, I am the chief horse feeder and stall cleaner…not
my favorite jobs. But you now what? It’s Lent! And I think this is a very good
Lenten penance. It will be a daily chore
from two weeks ago till May. It will not go away!
There are many spiritual lessons in all of this. I’m still
digesting them. But clearly, God’s
providence was, and continues to be, quite evident.
Lord
Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Making a List
Once upon a time, I was a time management fanatic, of sorts.
I had a planner; I prioritized; I checked off the items that were completed,
and forwarded the ones that weren’t.
I haven’t done that in a long, long time.
A couple of weeks ago, I finally had to make a “to-do” list.
Not only did I have a list of things to do, I had categories. I think that
might be the “too many irons in the fire” routine. At any rate, I had my list
separated into “house”, “chapel”, Altarations orders, wedding stuff, autistic
step-grandchild-to-be stuff, and “other”. To be honest, not too many items have
been checked as completed, but at least I have a more organized view of what
needs to be done.
When unpacked, the volume of fabric and trim is overwhelming! |
The orders…wow…I haven’t ever had so many orders to complete
at one time. There are three orders for rose antependia. There’s one for a
black antependium. There was a pending order for a violet antependium, which I
have completed, as of two days ago. There are a couple of miscellaneous other
smaller items.
Despite the list, I still have had trouble falling asleep a
couple of nights, as I mull over the things I must get done, and when I must
complete them. My brain starts spinning out of control, with a thought process
along these lines: “Gotta get a copy of the wedding rite. Ash Wednesday is
sooner than I thought. When can I deliver that violet antependium? St.
Stephen's tabernacle veil...ugh, that's hard. Oh...need a long linen cloth to
go over the violet antependium. I know which readings I want for the wedding;
should I push the issue? What are we gonna do with our little autistic guy at
the wedding? Wait, how long is that other altar? Oh, wait! I have to help my
friend pick up his new motorcycle on Tuesday! How do I get myself into these
things?"
A casualty of the snow load... |
And in the midst of that semi-organized chaos that has
become my life, my husband wanted me to take him to the ER the other night. He will need hernia surgery, but it turned out that we weren’t facing an emergency
situation after all, thanks be to God! But as for his daily chore of cleaning the horse stall,
which is full of giant puddles, melting snow, and patches of ice, he’s out of
commission; and that means I take over. I don’t mind doing it for his health,
of course, but it is just one more thing to work into my schedule.
That schedule, of course, is comprised largely of liturgical
prayer and private devotions, and all the other stuff has to fit into the
cracks of time in between praying the hours of the Divine Office. The temptation is to cut
short the prayer time in order to get a little more work done on any particular
project. Actually, the temptation more often goes the other way: extend the
time working on a project, and then end up having to cut the prayer time short.
Once I am working on a project, I sometimes find it difficult to stop. Ora et labora, yes...but it is sometimes difficult to strike the balance between the two!
At least the snow is melting! |
Surely, this is Satan’s joy: to see a person who is striving
to maintain her spiritual life become distracted with more worldly concerns.
Lent is almost upon us, of course, and while I usually look forward to that
penitential season, this year I have some apprehensions. The Lenten practices I
have adopted are not easy for me, and the more stressed I am with worldly
concerns, the less inclined I am to do the hard stuff. But I will make an
additional effort to keep my Rule.
Lord
Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.
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