Thoughts on the Synod

Many of my thoughts on the Synod are not charitable at all to the priests, bishops, and cardinals participating in some way or another in that dubious effort.

Some of these men are putting on display, for all the world to see, their heretical notions, their poor understanding of the sacraments, and their lack of supernatural faith. One wonders how it is that these men can voice the opinions they do and not cower in fear of the retribution of God.

My first reaction is anger. How dare they! What do they think they are doing!?

My second reaction should probably be my first: it is to cower in fear for them, since they seem unable to do so themselves. When I think about their eternal souls, and what will happen to them if they don’t repent…well, it is really so horrible that I don’t like to even try to imagine it. And that is what prompts me to pray for them.

I also think about what it will mean for the Church, and for good, orthodox, faithful priests, if the Synod results in a quasi-approval of “some” divorced and civilly remarried Catholics receiving Holy Communion. What pain, what terror, would beset a poor priest who is essentially ordered by his bishop to give Communion to a person or a couple whom he knows is living in adultery? A priest who truly understands who he is, himself, in his priesthood, and who truly believes in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, could not possibly do such a thing. Could he? Should he?

I think that a faithful priest should refuse to do give Holy Communion to someone he knows to be in mortal sin. That is the charitable and merciful thing to do, because those sinners will bring more damage and hellfire to themselves by receiving unworthily. But I also know something of the power of bishops, and of the bullying tendencies some have, and of their willingness to punish faithful priests for simply being true to the faith. And so, these faithful priest would have a lot to lose, in this world, if they disobeyed the bishop. Yet, how much more would they gain in Heaven!

There’s much more that could be said, and I’m sure you are saying it yourselves. But the Synod is only a synod. It remains to be seen what Pope Francis will do. Even so, much damage is being done currently, even though the Synod basically has no power to enact any kind of Church law or doctrine. It’s a time for trembling, I think. It is a turning point for the Church…though either way we know the Church will be protected from error in the end.

  

Let us pray that the Holy Spirit prevents even a hint of “approval” or “acceptance” of mortal sin simply because society accepts it as normal.  

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Saint Bruno

Today is the Feast of St. Bruno, founder of the Carthusian order.

I keep the music sheet tucked away
in my Liber Hymnarius.

I know two hermits who have taken the name “Bruno”. One was once a Carthusian monk, but discerning that that was not his vocation, he moved on to become a hermit, and subsequently took a different religious name.  He is now my spiritual director, and some vestiges of his Carthusian journey remain in his current Rule of Life. I think of that when I sing the Te Decet after the Gospel every Sunday at Vigils, in part because the little music sheet I have (which he printed up, and which, actually, I know longer need to look at when I sing the antiphon), notes in the upper right hand corner that it is more Cartusiano – in the manner of the Carthusians.  (I don’t know of any other version of the Te Decet; this is the one I have always sung.)

The other Bruno I know is a hermit in Canada, whose second anniversary of his eremitic vows is today. He has a blog which you can visit here.

The latter hermit sent an email to his friends today which included the following commentary on solitude. I thought it worth sharing here.

THE SECRET OF SOLITUDE

Address to Novices at St. Hugh’s Charterhouse, October 6th, 1997

Solitude is one of the ultimate questions for every human being. Finally, we are alone, coming into and leaving life, unknowing and unknown, unloving and unloved? This question is linked to that of purpose: Is there a sense to our existence, a purpose and value?  

Solitude, as an important dimension of a lifestyle such as ours, expresses paradoxically the will to go beyond solitude as aloneness and absence of meaning.

It is striking how preoccupied modern culture is with solitude. The more information is communicated, the bigger and quicker the access to what is happening all over the world, the more are people crushed beneath the perception of themselves as insignificant and alone. The universe is unfolded before us in all its splendor. Instead of adoration, this can cause despair.

In the Middle Ages   people reached out beyond themselves into the world of more or less apocalyptic religious speculation-and a second millennium is upon us- or into the cultural world of imaginative art such as that of Dante. Nowadays, the same need to reach out beyond is expressed more visually in the somewhat crude but innovative efforts of books and films to portray a world beyond our own, beings form other planets and even the reality of cosmic good and evil. Are we alone? Do we matter?

The solitary must first inhabit his solitude. It is there he can enter into his deeper self and find such answers as he may find. He will soon experience the extreme difficulty of seizing the unseizable, of knowing the inexpressible, of reaching out beyond the parameters of scientific knowledge,  hopefully, partially, to another level of being, to a reality beyond all shapes and forms, the real what and finally who that is being in and through itself.

Whatever experience he has will always be subject to another interpretation: illusion, hallucination, subconscious imaginary projection of fear and desire, incapacity to live in the stack of the world of absurdity.

Whatever explanation he gives, whatever words he proffers will never prove anything to those who do not share this experience. He will never have absolute proof of the rightness of his experience either for himself or for others. This does not excludes certitude.

His eyes are the eyes of faith: faith in a Reality that has taken the initiative to communicate with us. We are not alone. Our lives are not without purpose. We are willed to be by an intelligent love called by name to be persons, known and knowing, loved and loving, whose deepest reality will never disappear.  The trace of his presence draw us towards him (for personal he is, and must be, if we are persons). We cannot be but drawn, if we but open our eyes and listen to our hearts.

He speaks to us with the words of our human experience. He assumes in Christ a human face, in order to introduce us into his being and life. Nevertheless we modeled of clay. It is so hard for us, not for an hour, or a month, or a year, but for the whole lifetime with its tasks seasons, to hold ourselves in his serenity. The flesh, the affectivity, the mind often clamor for a food more congenial to them. Our fragile sense of self needs to be bolstered and expressed in activity, affirmation and achievement. We may try to escape too much beauty by deliberately disrupting the harmony. We deform reality by our neurotic needs or flee it altogether in psychotic denial. Sometimes we sin I order to keep God at a safe distance.

But there is nowhere to hide. Christ has walked all our paths, even that of death. He comes to us in his innocence, even in our sin. He can cure our will not to be cured. His love will not be denied. Ultimately, we are not alone. We know it, whatever our words say. Hopefully, in the end, we will yield to the light of truth, accept to be loved and to love totally. Our silence will be the peace of fulfillment and the joy of adoration.

I think that is what St. Bruno meant by his oft-expressed ‘O Bonitas.’   

***   ***   ***   ***   ***

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!   

Guardian Angels

I found readings 4, 5, and 6 from the Office of Vigils (Matins) for the feast of the Holy Guardian Angels particularly meaningful last night.

I realized how much I worry about some important people in my life. I pray for them, yes, of course. I try to abandon myself (and them) to Divine Providence. But I worry nonetheless.The readings from Vigils helped me to see my own fault in that worry – not that I shouldn’t care about these individuals, and hope and pray for the best for them, but that I should do something a little more constructive than worry. God wants us to trust in Him, and He has provided us with very powerful guardian angels; therefore, we should trust that these powerful protectors will indeed do their job!

 Sometimes guardian angels are portrayed as soft and fluffy and cute, or even bumbling and clownish. But their true character is more akin to mighty warriors! I will make a concerted effort to redouble my prayers to the guardian angels of all those whose particular needs and circumstances make me worry.

Here are the readings:

From the Sermons of St Bernard, Abbot

He hath given His Angels charge over thee. A wonderful graciousness, and a wonderful outpouring of love. For who hath given charge? And what charge? Unto whom? And over whom? Let us carefully consider, my brethren, let us carefully hold in mind this great charge. For who hath given this charge? To Whom belong the Angels? Whose commandments do they obey, and Whose will do they do? He hath given His Angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways, and that not carelessly, for they shall bear thee up in their hands. The Highest Majesty, therefore, hath given charge unto Angels, even His Angels. Unto these beings so excellently exalted, so blessed, so near to Himself, even as His own household, unto these hath He given charge over thee. Who art thou? What is man, that Thou art mindful of him? or the son of man, that Thou visitest him? Even as though man were not rottenness, and the son of man, a worm. (Job. xxv. 6.) But what charge hath He given them over thee? To keep thee in all thy ways.

What respect, what thankfulness, what trust, ought this word to work in thee! Respect for their presence, thankfulness for their kindness, trust in their safe keeping. Walk carefully, as one with whom are Angels, as hath been laid in charge upon them, in all thy ways. In every lodging, in every nook, have reverence for thine Angel. Dare not to do in his presence what thou wouldst not dare to do in mine. Or dost thou doubt whether he be indeed present, because thou seest him not? What if thou heardest him? What if thou touchedst him? What if thou smelledst him? Behold, not by sight alone is the presence of things made manifest.

Let us also, brethren, dearly love His Angels, as them with whom we are one day to be co-heirs, and who in the meanwhile are leaders and guardians set over us by the Father. With such guardians, whereof shall we be afraid? They that keep us in all our ways, can neither be conquered nor corrupted, far less can they corrupt. They are trusty, they are wary, they are mighty. Whereof shall we be afraid? Only let us follow them, only let us cleave unto them, and we shall abide under the shadow of the God of heaven. As often then as the gloom of temptation threateneth thee, or the sharpness of tribulation hangeth over thee, call upon Him That keepeth thee, thy Shepherd, thy Refuge in times of trouble, call upon Him, and say, “Lord, save us; we perish.”

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

Busy-ness

I find myself busier than ever these days.

I had an order for an antependium from St. Birgitta's, and decided that perhaps I could deliver it in person and demonstrate the proper way to put it on the altar. I have a friend in that area, and could stay with her overnight; plus, she would be my chauffeur, as am, frankly, scared to death to drive in Portland!

So I made the arrangements with my friend and with the people at St. Birgitta's, and then asked for an appointment with the pastor of another parish in that area who had expressed some interest in an antependium for his altar. 

It was a fruitful trip in many ways - business-wise as well as spiritually. 

Business-wise, I received more orders; St. Birgitta's wants the full set of antependia and tabernacle veils in all of the liturgical colors, and they want a set of linens for the altar as well. St. Stephen's wants to start with an antependia for their high altar, and a veil for their very, very large tabernacle. I'm a little apprehensive about the high altar, as the mounting of the antependium will be very different from what I've done in the past, but I'm taking the challenge.

I was pleased with the St. Birgitta antependium. Here's the before-and-after:

I wish I had taken a photo with the altar set up for high Mass in the extraordinary form. My friend and I did attend the Sunday EF Mass there; it was at 9:30am - prime time!!! And the pastor told me that the traditional Latin Mass has continued to be said there for the last 45 years, uninterrupted by Vatican II shenanigans. The pastor himself sang the priest parts beautifully, and a male cantor sang the chants; it was all very beautiful! It was my friend's first time at an EF Mass, and I'm sure that will bear fruit as well.

The pastors at St. Stephen's also offer the EF Mass, but they have the typical high altar plus stand-alone altar set-up which you see in many older churches. I have a strong aversion to altars that look like dining room tables with floral arrangements in front of them!  

Although the interior of this church is really quite nice, with statues, and huge Stations of the Cross that are beautifully crafted, and some nice stained glass windows, I just find that the presence of that table in the center takes away from the awe and reverence one might experience otherwise. The pastors hinted that they would like to remove it, and that they are looking at some renovations for the sanctuary. Hurray!

Here's a close-up of the high altar:

There are a number of problems with the arrangement of a stand-alone altar set in front of a high altar. I think it's sad that many beautiful high altars are obscured from view by the stand-alone dining table. Even with a nice traditional antependium on the high altar, the effect will be minimized. One step at a time, I suppose. 

I really liked St. Birgitta's grounds. The church itself reminds me of our mission churches in my own diocese, with dark wood paneling that makes everything muted in the church itself. Well, some day perhaps there will be major renovations (or at least painting!) of these little churches. There was a large area next to the church with grass and a grove of trees. Vegetation is so different over on the West side! Here are two little shrines  they have set up there:

It was a different sort of weekend for me, since I was staying at my friend's house, and our schedule was so busy that my prayer times were minimal. But it was nice to visit with my friend and spend that time with her, and also have a chance to introduce her to the EF Mass. And it was nice to visit 3 different parishes all in one day! That's barely possible where I live, with the distances between parishes. 

I have my eye on one more parish over there - the one my friend and her family generally attend. They have a new parochial vicar who seems quite tradition-minded, so maybe he will be able to transform their altar. Sorry for the blurriness, but you see the altar - again, a dining room table with a floral arrangement in front. And no veil on the tabernacle! That always amazes me:

And hopefully, the Archbishop has already instructed them that the "resurrexifix" has to go. That cannot even be theologically correct!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

Little Detours

Today is the feast day of St. Joseph of Cupertino; there’s a cute and stirring movie about him which I watched some years ago. And it turns out that St. Joseph of Cupertino is the patron of those with autism.

I requested a Mass to be said today for the little guy I’ve written about here, who I believe has autism.  And if you would be so kind as to pray a little prayer for him, too, I would be grateful. The various components of the situation of his life are making intervention difficult: his parents are recently divorced parents and live in towns 75 miles apart; and it is only since the divorce that they’ve acknowledged the problems their son has, which heretofore I think they tended to deny; plus, both towns are in rural areas where resources for autism are scarce.

The last time I wrote on this blog, I was heading off on retreat again. And it was a really wonderful retreat! A friend joined me this time, and that made for some special times.

But the part of the retreat I remember the most was when I was sitting on the little home-made deck that overlooks the irrigation canal and the broad meadow that serves as pasture for a herd of cattle. I had prayed the Rosary, and was going over in my mind the issues that had recently been causing me to feel stress. The little guy mentioned above came to mind—I’ll call him Joey, after the saint.

As you know, if you’ve been reading this blog for long, I’m trying to lead a life of prayer and penance. I keep to a monastic prayer schedule, pray the Divine Office, etc., and attempt to open myself to the wonders of contemplation. In a way, I have one foot in the secular world and one in the religious world.

When I became involved with Joey (and his older sister), I recognized that this was a distraction from the contemplative type of life for which I was striving. I’ve been researching and investigating treatment programs for autism, and spending time observing Joey and talking to his parents. It has disrupted my Divine Office schedule often enough over the last few months!  And yet, it seemed that God had placed this situation in my lap and was asking me to deal with it. Still, satan can appear in that capacity, too—making one think God is behind the distraction when it is really the devil.

Chipmunks enjoy the deck, too.

So I sat there, gazing out onto that peaceful meadow, thinking. I thought to myself that perhaps I was at a crossroads, but then another picture emerged in my mind. I am not at a crossroads, where I must choose to make a turn one way or the other. Instead, I am taking a mandated detour. My path is still toward the contemplative life, but God has redirected me for some reason. So many things fit together to confirm this evaluation, and my spiritual director agreed with this discernment.

I’ll continue on along the detour route then, and help Joey as best I can; I know that eventually, God will bring me back to the main path. Better to walk with Him along the detour than to forge ahead on a road that is temporarily closed! Besides, He still allows me plenty of time for prayer! 

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

The Interior Onslaught

I’m off on retreat again! I'll be seeing some of my little friends, I'm sure:

I leave you with this tidbit from the Sayings of the Desert Fathers:

[Amma Syncletica] also said, “We must arm ourselves in every way against the demons. For they attack us from outside, and they also stir us up from within; and the soul is then like a ship when great waves break over it, and at the same time it sinks because the hold is too full. We are just like that: we lose as much be the exterior faults we commit as by the thoughts inside us. So we must watch for the attacks of men that come from outside us, and also repel the interior onslaughts of our thoughts.”

That’s certainly true for me. It’s those uncharitable thoughts about others that sink my ship!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

10th Anniversary

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the establishment of my chapel! In some ways it seems like the blink of an eye; in others, it's been a lifetime. I adopted my Rule of Life one year before my husband created the chapel for me.

In the beginning, the chapel was just a couple of out-buildings.

It became a playroom for our daughter for a while, and then it doubled as a shelter for our kittens.

The kittens soon became cats who didn't really need their own room, and our daughter never did use the playhouse too much. One day as my husband and I were surveying our domain, I commented that it would make a nice chapel. 

My husband loves a good project, and in short order he had made the conversion.

The first chapel was in just one of the two buildings; it's actually a trailer of some sort. The other building remained a garden shed for another year. The garden shed was quite a bit larger than the trailer, and I thought it would be nice to expand. My husband, good sport that he is, jumped right in.

The shed had a dirt floor and unfinished walls and a broken window, along with lots of junk and trash...

 And old hornets' nests:

 But we just carted out all the stuff and swept up as best we could:

Ta da!

Then he finished the walls (I helped!), and we painted:

...and cut a doorway between the two buildings:

 

...and added some nice floor linoleum and molding:

And in the end, it was beautiful!

The interior has gone through several changes, and I documented in another post the re-painting project we undertook a couple of years ago, as well as the addition of a real tabernacle. 

We have done a lot of landscaping over the years, too. This is an early photo, before we planted trees around it.

In 2011, I mentioned to my husband that the chapel wasn't symmetrical, and could use an extension, which I could use as a little sacristy...well, by now you should know that my husband loves these projects! So:

           

And for years we had a problem with the roof leaking. We put a tarp over the whole thing, finally, and that worked for a while, except that the wind constantly tried to tear the tarp off (and sometimes succeeded), and the tarp eventually weathered and rotted to some extent. So we re-roofed, of course!

  

Here are some other views of changes in the landscaping:

Before trees and flowers.

The year I grew sunflowers! Here they were still small.

Those are the trees growing up on posts on the left.

About a year later, those trees were already doing their job.

In the winter...obviously...

...and in the summer!

It's been quite a journey, both physically and spiritually!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.