Not a great photo (over-exposed), but I love how happy she looks |
The other day, I was praying
the Rosary and thinking about Mary in her role as our Mother. I often think
I've transferred my feelings for my own biological mother to Mary, and when I
think of "Mom", I usually think of Our Lady. On this particular day,
though, as I was praying, all of a sudden I was seeing my mom in my mind's eye.
Usually, I have a hard time picturing her any more (she died in 1992), partly because my last
memories of her were of how she looked as she was dying, and who wants to
remember that? Today, it was like she was right there in front of me, smiling
and looking radiant and happy.
I started to pray for Our Lady
to intercede for her, and sneak her into Heaven, because my mom wasn't Catholic;
I don’t know if she was a baptized Christian. But Mom did fervently affirm her
belief in God on her death bed, and she listened to me read some Scriptures to
her. If I'd been Catholic at that time, I would have known what to
do towards the salvation of her soul. But I wasn't Catholic, and all I
knew was to make sure she believed in God, and that Jesus was His Son. Now, as
a Catholic, I know I can't assume she's in Heaven, like I did back then at the
time of her death.
It's one of those things that I
think is hard for converts, or potential converts: what about the people we
love who have died and who weren't Catholic, or maybe were only just barely
"Christian"? It is painful to think about the people you loved most
in your life not being in Heaven (at least eventually).
This is the first time in a
long, long, long time that I have really thought about my mom. I found myself
missing her, which I haven't done in ages. I found myself feeling sad at the
thought of not seeing her in Heaven (if I make it there myself!). But I still
felt like I was actually seeing her in my thoughts, and that was kind of
comforting. I also saw that I have sort of become her in relation to my own
daughter.
I know a woman locally who is a
devout Christian. Her husband died several years ago, and she often says that she
knows he's in Heaven because he "knew Jesus", etc. We have had some
minimal comment-trading about Catholicism via Face Book, but I know that it
would be a hard teaching for her to even entertain the idea that he might not
be in Heaven waiting for her. I have thought about this a time or two and
wondered how a person would talk to a potential convert about such things.
Well, no one talked to me about it before I became a Catholic, so maybe that's
the way to go.
Just some thoughts. I am still
wishing I could talk to my mom for a few minutes.
Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!
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