The Interior Onslaught

I’m off on retreat again! I'll be seeing some of my little friends, I'm sure:

I leave you with this tidbit from the Sayings of the Desert Fathers:

[Amma Syncletica] also said, “We must arm ourselves in every way against the demons. For they attack us from outside, and they also stir us up from within; and the soul is then like a ship when great waves break over it, and at the same time it sinks because the hold is too full. We are just like that: we lose as much be the exterior faults we commit as by the thoughts inside us. So we must watch for the attacks of men that come from outside us, and also repel the interior onslaughts of our thoughts.”

That’s certainly true for me. It’s those uncharitable thoughts about others that sink my ship!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

10th Anniversary

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the establishment of my chapel! In some ways it seems like the blink of an eye; in others, it's been a lifetime. I adopted my Rule of Life one year before my husband created the chapel for me.

In the beginning, the chapel was just a couple of out-buildings.

It became a playroom for our daughter for a while, and then it doubled as a shelter for our kittens.

The kittens soon became cats who didn't really need their own room, and our daughter never did use the playhouse too much. One day as my husband and I were surveying our domain, I commented that it would make a nice chapel. 

My husband loves a good project, and in short order he had made the conversion.

The first chapel was in just one of the two buildings; it's actually a trailer of some sort. The other building remained a garden shed for another year. The garden shed was quite a bit larger than the trailer, and I thought it would be nice to expand. My husband, good sport that he is, jumped right in.

The shed had a dirt floor and unfinished walls and a broken window, along with lots of junk and trash...

 And old hornets' nests:

 But we just carted out all the stuff and swept up as best we could:

Ta da!

Then he finished the walls (I helped!), and we painted:

...and cut a doorway between the two buildings:

 

...and added some nice floor linoleum and molding:

And in the end, it was beautiful!

The interior has gone through several changes, and I documented in another post the re-painting project we undertook a couple of years ago, as well as the addition of a real tabernacle. 

We have done a lot of landscaping over the years, too. This is an early photo, before we planted trees around it.

In 2011, I mentioned to my husband that the chapel wasn't symmetrical, and could use an extension, which I could use as a little sacristy...well, by now you should know that my husband loves these projects! So:

           

And for years we had a problem with the roof leaking. We put a tarp over the whole thing, finally, and that worked for a while, except that the wind constantly tried to tear the tarp off (and sometimes succeeded), and the tarp eventually weathered and rotted to some extent. So we re-roofed, of course!

  

Here are some other views of changes in the landscaping:

Before trees and flowers.

The year I grew sunflowers! Here they were still small.

Those are the trees growing up on posts on the left.

About a year later, those trees were already doing their job.

In the winter...obviously...

...and in the summer!

It's been quite a journey, both physically and spiritually!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Inspiration from Benson's Books

I have recently read two novels by Msgr. Robert Hughes Benson. 

Very interesting.

One of them was Lord of the World, which was recommended by Pope Francis as well as Pope Benedict XVI. To be honest, if I’d remembered that it was recommended by one of those popes, I wouldn’t have read it. But I didn’t remember, and the Kindle version was free, and it was mentioned somewhere else where it caught my eye, so I ordered it.

Lord of All was first published in 1908, and it is Benson’s view of the world 100 years later. It is really quite amazing how prophetic it is. I had to read the summary and explanation at Wikipedia at the beginning of it, because it is very British, and I didn’t quite understand some of the allusions. But as it went on, I was able to follow it without the extra explanation, and I found it fascinating. I also found it to be inspiring.

However, apparently, Benson was criticized for the negative and “depressing” view the book presents. It is quite depressing in the sense that it shows the decline and demise of Catholicism, but in the big scheme of things, it is quite a hopeful presentation. The final scene gave me an incredible spiritual boost!

Having received negative feedback, Benson went on to write Dawn of All. This book takes a completely different view of the future, and shows Benson’s view of how the world might look 50 years hence. This world is a completely Christian one, with almost everyone having become Catholic. Benson presents the story through the eyes of a “man who had lost his memory” and re-awakened in a world he found new and confusing. The man, who is a monsignor and assistant to a Cardinal, finds it difficult to adjust to the fact that everyone is Catholic and that the faith is quite evident in all the physical and spiritual structures in place. He finds it strange to see priests and bishops actually respected by the people!

At first, I thought that Dawn of All was not as inspiring as Lord of the World, but in the end, I found it was. Benson develops some of the doubts and questions that the man who lost his memory has concerning the new world order of Christianity. It’s really quite thought-provoking.  In the end, the issues are resolved in a stunning climax.

I highly recommend both books.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Unholy Smokes

We’ve had more wild fire activity in our area than I’ve seen in the 12 years we’ve lived here.

Our house and property were not in danger at any time, really, but fires came very close to the southern edge of town; we live 12 miles out from the northern boundary. Residents just a mile or so out of town were evacuated; the freeway was closed in both directions, and the highway going out of town to the south was even closed for a time.

Of course, we aren’t the only ones with fire problems, but it certainly seems that the world is on fire. Even though there are no fires raging out of control near us at the moment, the smoke is worse than ever today. The rising sun appeared as a bright red ball. I couldn’t capture the color in a photo, but here’s a similar shot from a few days ago:

My favorite views have been obscured with the smoke:

Here the view I usually see instead of that last photo (though there is not much snow right now!):

I know that a big part of the reason we are seeing so many forest fires right now has to do with the mismanagement of the forests. Nature has a way of thinning out the old timber to make way for new seedlings, and clearing out the debris on the forest floor to prepare a place for growth. We can help the process through careful logging and controlled burns, as well as by means of cattle-grazing in some areas, but when we don’t do the job, eventually the forces of nature to the work for us.

Still, natural explanations aside, it’s easy to entertain thoughts about the more supernatural implications. The world is on fire, it seems! There are the forest fires, and there are the fires of hell raging in our society as we watch our government ignore the vile fetal tissue and organ harvesting that Planned Parenthood engages in, after they murder their innocent little victims.  The natural world just seems to be reflecting what is happening in the spiritual world.

God promised not to destroy the whole world by a flood ever again. He did not, however, promise not to destroy parts of it, or not to destroy it by other means. Seems to me that we are pushing the limits of His patience!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

Signs of the Times

Here is a comment that was posted on the Church Militant website the other day. I’m not 
sure if I should put the author’s name, but it was public comment, and I think it’s an excellent observation, so…credit where credit is due!

The article was about an interview given by Cardinal Müller that was intended to clarify some points about the upcoming Synod on the Family. The commenter said:

I try to hold onto a semblance of clarity in my own thinking. But, it is very difficult to understand what these clerics are saying while remembering the Scriptures which one revisits in the Liturgy of the Hours. The phrase that keeps echoing in my mind when I hear people talk about the "Kasper Proposal" or its like is from Psalm 49(50):

"But to the wicked God says: "Why do you recite my commandments and profess my covenant with your lips? You hate discipline; you cast my words behind you! When you see thieves, you befriend them; WITH ADULTERERS YOU THROW IN YOUR LOT. You give your mouth free rein for evil; you harness your tongue to deceit. You sit maligning your own kin, slandering the child of your own mother. When you do these things should I be silent? Or do you think that I am like you? I accuse you, I lay the charge before you." (Psalms (NAB) (49)50:16-21.) (EMPHASIS added.)

When I looked into it a bit further, however, it got worse:

 "For the land is full of adulterers; because of the curse the land mourns, and the pastures of the wilderness are dried up. Their course is evil, and their might is not right. "BOTH PROPHET AND PRIEST ARE UNGODLY; even in my house I have found their wickedness, says the LORD. Therefore their way shall be to them like slippery paths in the darkness, into which they shall be driven and fall; for I will bring evil upon them in the year of their punishment, says the LORD." (Jeremiah (RSV) 23:10-12.) (EMPHASIS added.)

Even the Pope's notion that these questionable things might be justified by a hope of saving the children of adulterous unions seems naïve. After all, what version of the Faith can they discern, if "honor your father and your mother" is opposed to Christ's words about adultery? This seems to be a serious problem:

"But children of adulterers will not come to maturity, and the offspring of an unlawful union will perish. Even if they live long they will be held of no account, and finally their old age will be without honor. If they die young, they will have no hope and no consolation in the day of decision. For the end of an unrighteous generation is grievous." (Wisdom (RSV) 3:16-19.)

All of this is tempered by confidence that the impossible can be accomplished with God's help, however, the size of the task might suggest that it is not a topic for public debate or general policy statements.

Pax Christi semper nobiscum.

John Hiner

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

My Issues with Sunday Mass

My husband and I usually attend the Spanish Mass in our parish, for a variety of reasons. I don’t look forward to it. Father generally gives his homily in Spanish, of course; but the last two weeks, his homily was in English because they are re-carpeting the office and he doesn't have access to his printer.

Both homilies were pretty good; the first homily addressed the fact that Sunday is a day of rest, what that means, and why it’s important. The next Sunday he talked about the fact that most people don’t appreciate Mass; we yawn through it, keeping an eye on the time; we are oblivious to the miracle that takes place on the altar, and all that. Very good; yes, very true.

BUT...he went on and on, and I began imagining myself raising my hand and saying, “But Father! What in the world about this Mass helps people to realize what an awesome thing is happening?! We have guitar music that sounds like Mexican folk music ditties; we have a woman in a spaghetti-strap top and tight pants reading the Scriptures (and most of the congregants are not dressed any better); we have ushers in Bermuda shorts; we have prayers that fail to mention our sin; we have very little that indicates that Jesus is Truly Present in the tabernacle; and you face the people throughout Mass as if you are the talk-show host! And yes, the sanctuary looks pretty good, but people don't treat it reverently!” And these same issues, or similar ones, plague the morning English Mass as well – plus at the English Mass, there are often girls as altar servers.

Father went on to tell us how we are refreshed by the Mass, and that it strengthens us to carry on for another week. Well, sure it would – if it weren't for those guitars, the spaghetti-strap tops, the Bermuda shorts, and a myriad of other little things that go on that don't convey the solemnity of the occasion - or the true joy and comfort that are to be had. But as it is, I dread Sunday Mass, and I have to find other ways to fortify myself for both the trials of the week and the liturgical abuses I’ll witness again next Sunday.

So I was a little miffed. Okay, I was irritated. This priest knows the truth of what I’ve written above. He would prefer to have only male altar servers. He would prefer to have more reverent, appropriate music. But he is afraid to press for these changes. I pray for him to be given some courage to actually change some things he knows should be changed.

In the meantime, I have found myself speaking quite frankly to non-Catholics (at least a couple!) about Mass. My friend Doc told me that he “enjoys” going to Mass when either one of two people are present with whom he feels some connection, and he can sit with them. His idea of Mass is that it’s a time for him to feel like he belongs to a community. He doesn’t at all see it as worshiping God, because, he says, he can worship God and pray at home; besides, he says, the good deeds he does outside of Church “count”, don’t they? Well, they count for something! But he doesn’t understand why we go to Mass.

I told him that I don’t feel like I’m a part of the local Catholic community, but I don’t go to Mass for those people; I go to worship God. And I don’t “enjoy” Mass because of the liturgical abuses, but I go anyway to worship God as best I can under those circumstances. When I said I don’t like going to the Spanish Mass, he said, “You shouldn’t go then.” He simply will not hear that liturgical worship is important to God. “God doesn’t care about the ceremony,” he says. Oh yes, God does care!

Unfortunately, too many Catholics agree with him about “ceremony”, and that is why our liturgy suffers. And because our liturgy suffers and is deficient, we are creating Catholics who don’t understand their faith and whose spiritual life is deficient.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

If Your Religion Hasn't Changed You...

I saw a “meme” on Face Book the other day…it said, “If your religion hasn’t changed your life, you had better change your religion.” It’s a protestant thing; it came from a “ministry” that features a person named Adrian Rodgers. And really, if you think about it, that is a very protestant reaction: we used to call it church-hopping when I was running in those circles.

The source and summit of our life.
The source of "change"!

There are some very obvious problems with that little “adrianism” (as the site calls it), especially for a Catholic. Unfortunately, there are a lot of Catholics who try to do just that: they say they don’t get anything out of Mass, and that they don’t believe what the Church teaches on certain things, and then they go off and start attending some feel-good Protestant service that advertises contemporary Christian music, and/or hand-waving, and/or being “slain in the spirit”. (They can get this at a “charismatic” Catholic service, too, of course.)

They mistake all the emotional hype for “change”. They think they are changed by the emotions, and they fail to look way down deep within themselves for the change. They mistake the music and the preaching and the concomitant emotions as the source of their “change”. It makes them feel good, and gets them excited, at least for a while. But at the end of the day, when the emotion fades, so does the “change”. You’re back where you started, waiting for the next Sunday, or maybe a Wednesday night, when you can get recharged by singing and dancing and waving your hands in the air, and, if you’re really “blessed”, to fall down on the floor (aided by the watchful ushers) in some sort of religious ecstasy.

Been there, done that.

And then there are the Catholics who think their religion isn’t changing them, so they seek to change Catholicism to suit themselves. The Jesuits (in general) come to mind…

Of course, the truth is, we may be changed by our Catholic faith and not perceive the change as a giant turn-around. That slow, gradual change is more profound and more lasting than any pseudo-epiphany. (Of course, there are times when an individual might have a real epiphany that does result in a huge change in their very being; but that’s another story. St. Paul comes to mind.)

My point is, though, that we don’t always recognize the changes that take place within us – or even the superficial changes. For instance, sometimes I see photos of myself and wonder where all that gray hair came from all of a sudden. Well, it didn’t really happen overnight; I just didn’t notice it, since it was a gradual change. (Still, when I look in the mirror, all I see is that I am developing blonde highlights. Strange…)

I have been pursuing spiritual development for years. Have I seen any change? Often, I think not. I used to whine to my spiritual director about it. “I’m exactly the same as when I started! I’m stuck! I haven’t changed a bit!” And he would say, “We’ll be the judge of that.” (He often resorts to that royal “we” in such circumstances.) Sometimes others see the change you don’t. And sometimes, only God knows what changes He has wrought in your soul…but we will all know about our changes when we come face-to-face with Him.

It is definitely a protestant mindset that urges people to “change their religion.” It reflects the underlying sentiment – one that is not even recognized by most protestants! – that the individual is the supreme arbiter of faith. Each person is his own authority when it comes to “religion”.

But if there’s no true authority, then there’s no true faith, is there?

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.