Whether to Weather the Weather

Maybe it's just because I'm getting older. Maybe it's because the weather was particularly bad this time around. Whatever the reason, I found my last trip to my favorite (only) retreat spot to be very stressful, and treacherous at times.

It's a long drive; usually takes me a total of 5-1/2 to 6 hours depending on how many stops I make and how much time I spend at those stops. There are basically three legs to the journey, as I see it. On the way to my retreat, the first leg takes me out of town, over a mountain pass, and then down into the lovely John Day River valley. The trek over the pass was unpleasant. It was snowing. It had been snowing. Thanks be to God, there was very little traffic (which is usually the case). I get anxious when I have a car behind me wanting me to go faster.

At a certain point, the road conditions improved markedly, and I thought, "Aha! This has been recently plowed!" Sure enough, a caught up with the snow plow. I was happy to follow along behind, but alas, the driver turned off before we got past the snowfall!

The snow plow is barely visible, but it's there in the center of the photo,
sending up a spray of snow behind it.

Once over the pass, the snow was practically gone. What a relief! So the second leg of the journey began on a pleasant note...or at least a less-treacherous one. But another pass - Ochoco Pass -  loomed ahead, and it I was a little anxious about that. Still...trust in God! That pass was not bad at all - just a few signs of slushy snowy icy stuff on a mostly clear road. The third leg was also clear of snow and ice.

The return trip was a different matter. 

On the major highway, it was snowing and raining, and there was plenty of icy slush on the road. Plus, there's traffic there, and not everyone drives carefully! I saw one car that had spun out and ended up on the side of the road facing the wrong direction; no injuries, and I think the same vehicle passed me later on!

I do not like driving in this stuff, especially since my little car does not
have 4-wheel-drive! (I was practically at a stop to take this photo, with no other
vehicles in sight!)

The Ochoco Pass was snowy this time. And when it wasn't snowing, it was raining. The road wasn't bad...but neither was it good! Once over the pass, the road was clear of snow, but it was raining. And it had been raining. As I passed through a little town halfway along this leg, a police car appeared in my rear view mirror, with lights flashing. I was dismayed, thinking, "I'm not speeding!" But the officer passed me by and continued on the road. It turns out he was on his way to a section of a little canyon where rocks fall frequently. A huge boulder was fully blocking one lane of of the two-lane road,  on a blind curve, and a bulldozer was trying to remove it. The officer had placed flares to warn travelers. This is not a busy highway, so things were not as bad as you might expect.

The John Day valley was again easily traveled, though the rain continued. Then...the final leg. Over Dixie Summit again, up to Austin Junction, and down the mountain. Snow. Snow. Snow. White-out conditions in a couple of places. This leg, which generally takes me about an hour and 45 minutes, took an hour longer than that. I did not take any photos along that stretch; even though I was mostly alone on the road, I didn't want to stop to snap a picture - I just wanted to get home! The photo below is on the very last 10-mile stretch before home. 

In the almost 12 years I've been making this bi-monthly trip, this was the worst driving I'd seen; so all in all, that's a pretty good track record, I guess. But I found it quite exhausting! Still, as I usually do, once I reached my destination, I sat back and considered that, "Well, it could have been worse!"

Looking back on it, though, it's just a condensed version of life, isn't it? The ups and downs, the storms and calms, the bad weather and good. In our travels, we must trust God, while making prudent travel decisions as well! (In retrospect, I wish I'd put my trip off by a week; but there is no predicting weather in this part of the country!) Usually, we can look back and say, "It could have been worse. Thank God it wasn't!"  The same "travel" analogy holds for our spiritual life as well, I'm sure you will agree. That is why I pray every day to the Archangel Raphael - for safe travels through life, whether that involves physical, emotion, or spiritual travel.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

Ora IS Labora!

Perhaps I have previously posted this quote from The Sayings of the Desert Fathers; I don’t remember. But I read it again today during the Office of Prime, and it struck me anew, so here it is:

The brethren also asked [Abba Agathon], “Amongst all good works, which is the virtue that requires the greatest effort?”

He answered, “Forgive me, but I think there is no labor greater than that of prayer to God. For every time a man wants to pray, his enemies, the demons, want to prevent him, for they know that it is only by turning him from prayer that they can hinder his journey. Whatever good work a man undertakes, if he perseveres in it, he will attain rest. But prayer is warfare to the last breath.”

I have certainly found this to be the case for me! Sometimes I ponder my life circumstances, which probably appear pretty soft to most who see only a woman who doesn’t work outside the home – they may wonder, “What the heck does she do all day?” I joke sometimes that I sit on the couch and eat bonbons. Ha! Prayer is hard work. Sometimes I recognize that. Other times I just wonder why I’m so tired.

Right now, I am trying to pray and not worry. I am worried and tense and anxious about things right now, and I know the answer is to abandon myself and my loved ones to Divine Providence. That means trusting God. If I am worried and anxious, I am not trusting. As the Scripture says, “Be nothing solicitous; but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your petitions be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasseth all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

I’ll be on retreat the rest of this week!

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

Winter Beauty

We've had a lot of snow already this year. I admit that early in the season, I enjoy the beauty of the snow immensely. Later...not so much! "There is a season..." and all that.

 I bought myself a pair of snowshoes for my birthday. I have cross country skiis, but the snowshoes are more versatile in some ways, and it's easier to snowshoe with my dogs in the pasture than it is to ski.  

We have had some unusually cold temperatures in December; I don't enjoy that so much.

Winter weather does create some wonderful photos, though. Here are a few  a bunch of my favorites from recent weeks.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

Crazy Christmas Calendar and the Holy Name of Jesus

The two holy days that are most annoying for me (in terms of their placement in the new liturgical calendar of the Church) are the feasts of the Epiphany and the Ascension. Moving those feasts to the nearest Sunday is just…well…diabolical, really. In particular, I struggle with this issue at this time of the year – the Christmas season – when I am not able to travel far afield to find a decent celebration of the feasts of the old calendar.

We can’t say whether the intentions of those who made the changes were anti-Church or anti-God, but the effects certainly would fit in with Satan’s plans. The rescheduling of those feasts (and others) diminishes and impoverishes our Catholic heritage.

This time of year is particularly annoying, because they also messed with the feast days in the Octave of Christmas. First, they shove the Holy Family in there where it should simply be the Sunday within the Octave. Then they rename the Octave day of Christmas, and instead of honoring and meditating on the meaning of the Circumcision of Our Lord, we instead have our attention focused on Mary, Mother of God. Now, I’m all for Marian feasts, and most of the time I am able to travel to an EF Mass for those. But why do you suppose they wanted to change the Circumcision of Our Lord? (A friend suggested that “all of a sudden, they got squeamish about male infantile genitalia”. Ha! It certainly seems so.) I saw a comment somewhere on FaceBook noting that it’s easier to write a homily about Mary than about circumcision. But there really is much to say about the Circumcision of Our Lord – why it was done, what it symbolizes for us, etc. Priests who read the old Divine Office probably have plenty of ideas for homilies on this particular feast.

The Sunday between the Circumcision and the Epiphany is, in the old calendar, the feast of The Most Holy Name of Jesus! Gone! Just like that! What more could Satan ask for?! We don’t keep this feast at all in the new calendar, except as an “optional memorial”. The Holy Name is tied up inextricably with the Circumcision, and St. Bernard of Clairvaux has no trouble finding something to say about it. In the 9^th reading at Vigils last night, we hear from St. Bernard:

It is no wonder that it should be at His circumcision that the Name of Jesus (which is, being interpreted, Saviour) is given to the Child Who is born unto us, for it was then that He for the first time shed that sinless Blood Which is the mean whereby He hath chosen to work out our salvation. It is no matter for the speculation of Christians why the Lord Christ was pleased to be circumcised. He was circumcised for the same reason for which He was born, and for which He suffered. Neither one nor the other was for Himself, but all for the sake of the elect. He was not born in sin; He was not circumcised to separate Him from sin; neither did He die for sins of His own, but for ours. Which was so named of the Angel before He was conceived in the womb. The Angel indeed gave Him that title of Saviour, but not for the first time. Saviour is His Name from everlasting; He hath it of His own proper nature to save. This title He hath in Himself, not by the gift of anything that He hath made, be it man or Angel.

The passage from Philippians (2:5-11) has always stirred my soul.

For let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:

Who being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men, and in habit found as a man, He humbled himself, becoming obedient unto death, even to the death of the cross. For which cause God also hath exalted him, and hath given him a name which is above all names: That in the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those that are in heaven, on earth, and under the earth: And that every tongue should confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is in the glory of God the Father.

Why should we not dedicate a feast day to the Holy Name of Jesus?!

At least the powers that be in the Church have not yet decreed that Christmas itself be moved to the nearest Sunday! I can take some comfort in that, I suppose.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I particularly liked this reading (the fourth one) from vigils last night:

From the Sermons of Pope St Leo (the Great)
1st for Christmas.
Dearly beloved brethren, Unto us is born this day a Saviour. Let us rejoice. It would be unlawful to be sad today, for today is Life's Birthday – the Birthday of that Life, Which, for us dying creatures, taketh away the sting of death, and bringeth the bright promise of the eternal gladness hereafter. It would be unlawful for any man to refuse to partake in our rejoicing. All men have an equal share in the great cause of our joy, for, since our Lord, Who is the destroyer of sin and of death, findeth that all are bound under the condemnation, He is come to make all free. Rejoice, O thou that art holy, thou drawest nearer to thy crown! Rejoice, O thou that art sinful, thy Saviour offereth thee pardon! Rejoice also, O thou Gentile, God calleth thee to life! For the Son of God, when the fullness of the time was come, which had been fixed by the unsearchable counsel of God, took upon Him the nature of man, that He might reconcile that nature to Him Who made it, and so the devil, the inventor of death, is met and beaten in that very flesh which hath been the field of his victory.

Since my friend died last week, I’ve noticed her daughter posting sad memes on Face Book; I can hardly blame her, of course: she’s lost her mother. Others post memes related to their deceased loved one – how much they are missed, especially at Christmas time. My own father died on December 18, 1973, and our mourning certainly tinged our Christmas traditions with sadness.

But it brings me back to my thoughts about the true meaning and significance of Christmas. Christmas is not simply a time to get together with family and share gifts in pretty wrapping paper. Although we miss our loved ones, and maybe particularly so at this time of the year, when we traditionally gather with family and friends in a special way, Christmas can still be a time for joy. It is, after all, the celebration of the birth of Life, as Pope St. Leo the Great reminds us above; and Christmas marks the emergence of our Hope and our Salvation into the world we inhabit. He comes as flesh and blood, as a human being like us, but He speaks Life Eternal!

Christmas morning here: 6 degrees, and fog left everything frosted in white.

So…Merry Christmas. No matter what your circumstances, I pray you find the joy of hope in Our Savior’s birth this year (and always).

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me!

Death of a Friend

A blurry photo from
her Face Book page;
but this captures the
essence of Pam.

Once upon a time, when we lived in California, I took under my wing a woman – her name was Pam – who was slightly retarded, and who had two children. The two little girls were removed from her custody by Child Protective Services, and I was doing my best to help her get them back.  We remained friends even after the family was reunited (the little girls were in foster care for over 2 years!).

Even after we moved, I talked on the phone with Pam every couple of months, and visited her once when I was back to visit other friends in that area. She was functionally illiterate, but managed to figure out how to text me as well. Usually she simply asked for money, and always expressed her love for me after making the request. But I do think she loved me, even without the money.

I hadn’t heard from Pam since last May, when she had asked for money and I had sent some. She didn’t call at Thanksgiving time, and she has always called me then. I wondered if she’d lost my number. I texted the number I had for her, asking her to call or text and let me know if it was still her number; there was no response.

Today, December 19, is her birthday. I already knew that, which was one reason I was trying to contact her, but Face Book let me know as well. (It is surprising that Pam had a Face Book account; I’m sure her younger daughter set it up for her, and she never posted anything other than profile pictures.) I left a birthday greeting on her timeline, with a note to call or text me with her number.

A few hours later, her daughter left a comment on my birthday greeting, asking for my phone number. I sent her a private message, and she replied, “My mom was hit by a car last night, and she passed away.”

I was stunned. And then I wondered if it were true. The news sources my husband and I checked turned up nothing, but then, it’s the weekend. Then I noticed other posts on the daughter’s timeline that made it clear that she was letting everyone know that her mom had died.

I’m very sad. It’s not that Pam and I were best friends or talked a lot. But we shared an important and trying time in her life (more than one trying time, actually!), and I felt a bond with her. I felt that I should always help her if I could. There was always a tension for me around giving her money; what was too much? What was too little? She re-married a man she’d previously divorced, and who had been nothing but trouble to her when the girls had been taken. Should I continue to give her money when she’d taken up with him? He had a history of living with women who would take care of him so that he didn’t have to work, though he had some mental issues of his own.

Despite her constant pleas to me for money, Pam was a very giving person. It got her into trouble more than once, because she was more than willing to offer one “friend” or another a space on her living room floor if they’d been kicked out of their apartment. She was easily taken advantage of…by many.

She had health issues, too, and almost died once after some abdominal surgery to repair a large hernia. I know she almost died because they kept her in the hospital for 10 days, and she was NOT a paying customer; I doubt she’d have received that kind of care if they weren’t afraid of a wrongful death suit (I know, I’m very cynical about such things).  During that time, her ex-husband and his wife and several children moved into Pam’s apartment to “help” take care of her…except they didn’t help much, and ate all her food. And then they wouldn’t move out. We (me and the agency that helped her with such things) had to get the police involved to get the people to leave.

Pam did not have a happy childhood, having been sexually abused at the hands of her brother, along with other issues. She did not have a happy adulthood either: she married a young man who passed away within a year (I don’t remember what his malady was); her parents, on whom she was very dependent emotionally and for help with her infant daughter, both died in a car accident; she married and remarried the wrong man; she was dirt poor.

But she didn’t complain about any of it, really. She was pretty happy. I often thought about how she didn’t have much, but at least she didn’t have debt; and my husband and I had plenty of that! Pam just lived her life, taking what happiness came her way, and plugging along through the hard times.

Pam and her daughters, with my daughter in
the middle. The two girls were in foster care
at this time, and the only way Pam could
see them for Thanksgiving was if I would
bring them all to my house. Which I did.

One year, I went to her daughter’s birthday party. It was in the little yard of her duplex, which consisted of gravel and no grass. The house was small and not the best-kept; the other guests were very low-income down-and-outers. But everyone was real. There was no pretense about anything. And everyone had a good time. Later that same evening I went to a fund-raising event for a local Catholic school. The contrast was interesting. The conversation was aimed at impressing others, as were the bids on “silent auction” items; and the people were fake, not real, at least in this setting. I much preferred the party with the poor folks.

Pam wasn't Catholic. She considered herself a Christian, and was baptized. She suffered a lot in her life, and really didn't complain about any of it – not the way I would have, that's for sure! Do you suppose God will cut her a little slack since she was, after all, retarded?

I asked my spiritual director that question, and he replied, “Even without the pope’s Jubilee of Mercy, God exercises mercy in His judgment of our individual, final dispositions. Unlike us humans, He's able to take EVERYTHING into account, when rendering His judgment. So it's appropriate to hope in His mercy, while praying that He be merciful toward one of the deceased, since we know not the full circumstances of the individual.”

So, please, would you say a little prayer for the repose of the soul of my friend Pam? Thanks.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.

How Should We Celebrate Christmas?

I’m still thinking about the “meaning of Christmas”…or rather, about how we celebrate Christmas, and how we should celebrate it.

Maybe this post will sound sort of like "Bah, humbug!" But I don't mean it that way. I like Christmas as much as the next person, and for many of the same reasons! But still...

I wrote the other day about people with no religious inclination who celebrate Christmas with no sense of why it’s a holy day, why we celebrate it, etc. But now I am thinking about how Catholics and other Christians celebrate Christmas, and I am coming up with a few realizations that may be old news to you, but they are an epiphany of sorts for me.

First, there’s the whole “Keep Christ in Christmas” theme that runs in Christian circles. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that! But I think it has simply become another trite meme that pops up every year. Just how does one keep Christ in Christmas, with all the other stuff competing for our holiday affections? Sure, many Christians have a crèche in their homes, or they set up their annual nativity scene outside in their front yard. Maybe they bake a birthday cake for Jesus. Maybe they attend Mass (although I think many Protestant denominations don’t even have a church service on Christmas, unless it’s a Sunday). These are all good things, and certainly go toward “keeping Christ in Christmas”, but all too often, I fear, they are just little sidelights done to “prove” we are Christians and that we know we are celebrating the birth of Christ.

But many people – Catholic, non-Catholic Christian, or whatever – seem to think that Christmas is primarily a time for families. It’s important for families to be together for Christmas, we believe as a culture. Christmas is “happy”, “joyful”, “magical”, “warm”, etc. Good Christians try to play down the importance of gift-giving, but everyone knows everyone wants to give (and receive) gifts during the “holiday season”. People have parties, and gifts are exchanged. We all feel sorry for the families that can’t gather all their members in one place, and we all love to see children’s excited faces on Christmas morning when they are preparing to go to Mass…oops, I mean preparing to open the pile of gifts under the tree.

Even a good Catholic friend of mine is agitated because her adult children won’t come home for Christmas, and because the one who is a single mother wants to do the Christmas morning gift-giving at home alone with her little son. My friend says that watching the child’s face light up with anticipation and excitement is a highlight of the day, and she is disappointed that she won’t be able to witness it.

Another good Catholic friend has been sighing for the last two weeks about not feeling the “Christmas spirit”. I told her she’s supposed to feel the Advent spirit first! She wrote a poem about her mixed feelings – anticipation of His birth, she says, mixed with sadness for those who are gone (deceased) or simply away from home. I know my friend is a good Catholic, but I don’t think she understands Christmas and death and Heaven and Hell and purgatory. Again I see a person who has made “being together as a family” the prime mover and end of “Christmas spirit”.

“Being together as a family” is a nice thing. But it can happen any time. Giving gifts is a nice thing, but you can give a loved one a gift any day of the year. Enjoying a festive meal together is nice, but that can be done for many occasions. “Being together as a family” is NOT the end goal of Christmas…or at least, it shouldn’t be. And when these families are together for Christmas, what are they thinking and talking about?  Well, surely some of them are talking about Christ, about His first and second coming, about the hope and joy that His birth inspires in us year after year. Some are surely making plans for Midnight Mass, or at least Christmas morning Mass. (Too many in our parish are simply anticipating the fun and festive singing of the Christmas Eve “children’s Mass”, and some of the protestants in the community attend that one just because it’s so Christmas-y, with carols sung and Santa making an appearance at the side of the holy crib, etc.)

But mostly, I think people are making plans to have a big feast, sort of like Thanksgiving; to arrange a gift-exchange time; chat and laugh and play games. I fear that even among good Catholics and Christians, “the family” has become what is worshiped; I fear that the Christmas tree has supplanted the crèche as the center of attention; I fear that Mass is just something that interrupts the flow of the festivities for a short time; I fear that, even when Mass is attended and Jesus is acknowledged in the home, Christmas has really been reduced to a time to eat, drink, and be merry.

That is not the same as making Christmas a time of hope and joy in the salvation of Our Lord.  

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.